The Jitters

[caption id="attachment_166" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Road less Travelled"][/caption]

 

Wow.  I can't believe l have the jitters.  Why, you may ask?  Guess what, l'm going to tell you.  It's part  therapy, part entertainment, to get it out. And  calms my nerves.

I saw an ad for a van on Craigslist 2 weeks ago.  I was really interested in it.  The catch was, l was out of town for 3 weeks, and wouldn't be back in town until after the person had left the country.  I was a little down about that.  But then l thought, it wasn't meant to be.  My Mom always said "everything happens for a reason".  So with those words, you tend to deal with things a little more gently.

Well, last night l got an e-mail from the guy, and as it seems, his plans have changed and he will be in town longer.  And he hasn't sold it yet.

Last night, l was feeling, great, how perfect.

This morning l woke up and was feeling "Oh shit, l might actually have to buy this thing and go travel."

The feeling l experienced this morning, reminds me of the same one l experienced when l had decided to go across America in my car 10
years ago.  I had the jitters just prior to leaving.  I think when you put a dream out there, and think about it constantly, when the planning all comes together, there comes a point when you have to do it.  You have to jump.

I’m pretty adventurous, l’ve travelled a lot, l change my life constantly for the “new” thrill, and  l still have the jitters about this  adventure?  I guess  experiencing  the jitters again has made me realize, that me, who can change things so easily, can still get the jitters, l guess l  now have to be more understanding for all the people that don’t like change, how DAMN SCARY change can be.

For my first road trip I put all my stuff in storage, dropped my cats off at my sisters then drove around US for almost 2 months.  It was a great experience, except it was too fast.  I did as l call them “20 minute” tours of all the places l stopped in.  l felt l was in a race to finish it.  I didn't take anytime to stop and experience the places l was in.  I wish l had, but l was to programed to feel guilty for having so much time off.

I was planning on staying at hostels along the way, but l also spent many a night in my car in the Walmart parking lot.  It was chilly sometimes.  I wasn't really prepared to use my car as a sleeping arrangement, but l did.

I bought a US park pass and l made a point of at least doing the “20 minute” tour of every park along the way.  This time l want to do it slower.  I want to smell the roses.  I want to breath deep.  I want to write as l go.   I wrote the first time too, little snippets home to a select e-mail list (Blogs didn't exhist then).  My original plan was to write more, but l was too busy flying through all the town, l forgot to make time.  Ok, l didn't forget, l just felt that there was always a fire under my butt and l had to keep moving.

Last time when l experienced these feeling prior to a trip I spoke to a very good friend of mine who travelled all the time.  She had spent year long furloughs in places like South America, Asia, Spain.  She said even she got nervous before a long  trip.  10 years ago l breathed deep and jumped in. That’s all l have to do this time to.  Breath deep and jump.

Continental Divide

 

Today l drove over the Continental Divide twice today on my adventures.  I found it fitting that l passed it today, l have been pondering my decisions, faults, and qualities.  I usually do a lot of thinking when l drive.  Sometimes the radios on, more often then not, l drive in silence, with only my thoughts as company.

There are times that l celebrate my spontaneousness.  I love that l handle change well.  I actually go running towards it.  Stagnation for me is like a little death.  I adapt well to new things.  I go to the well, take a sip, if l enjoy it, a long drink.  If l don't find it to my taste, l put down the ladle and move on, without regret.

I am generally a very positive, optimistic person, and even if l feel l made a mistake, l know in the long run, it was for the best.  Now that being said, sometimes.....

I wish l was a bit more like "the stickers".  You know the ones.  The ones that can stay at a job, or in a relationship they don't like for years and years.  Sometimes l think if l was a bit more like those ones, my life would be easier.  At least in societies eyes/standards.

Alas, that's not me.  I missed getting my share when they were handing that quality out at birth.  Love me or leave me, l guess.

I'm getting more and more comfortable with my decision to travel on a more permanent basis.  There are two friends in my life that know the extent that l want to travel.  That l plan to pick up and move into a van and travel.  I am at my own continental divide.  I can lean one way, and conform to the norm.  Secretly dieing a little more each day.  Giving  up on dreams, smashing them into nothingness, trying to ignore them (until l snap).

Or l can lean to the other and  l can scream out to the world and say, "Who cares what anyone thinks.  This is what l am doing".  I don't know how it will work out.  I will have to live day by day, that is what l thrive on anyways.  And for the people that judge me, Oh well, l'll try not to return the favor.



It's getting closer to the time that l can runaway.  I actually feel it is more of a running to.

A New Landing Pad

I've moved into the big leagues.  I've jumped in and moved to my own website.  Previously l had a blog on Blogger.  Which was great, don't get me wrong.  The reason l changed is because l wanted to have a website that was all my own without a tag after the blog name.

I am such a newbie at website admin, so without a doubt this will be a learning experience.  I hope it won't be too painful, for you or me.  I chose Hostgator because of the good things l heard about it.  I chose my web name because l will be travelling in Tin Cans.  Not the 'pork and beans' kind, but by planes, with my job, and hopefully sooner rather then later, by van (which isn't yet purchased), it is a solid idea in my mind, l know what l want, and how l want it to look on the inside.  And l certainly know that l want to "get the hell out of Dodge".

I have been fighting the urge to travel serendipitously for a while.  The seed was planted when l was young.  My Mom and Dad after a few wobbly pops would pull out the Atlas open the big white Britannica book (yes folks, l am old enough to have experienced knowledge coming from an encyclopedia printed on paper), and point to where we would travel when they sold everything and bought an RV.  Always they were going to start selling everything in the morning.

Going to bed after that conversation for an eleven year old was like going to bed on Christmas eve.  It would take a long time to fall asleep because of all the visions of travel dancing through my head.

Unfortunately when morning came, it was like the conversation never happened.  I was crushed.  Of course, it happened a couple of times before l realised it was the alcohol talking, and there wasn't going to be any follow through.

This will be a record of my journey.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as l enjoy living it.